Today we are celebrating my eldest son Zean Andre’s 14Th birthday. He was born September 9, 1998 and passed away November 4, 1998. Andre would have been a handsome teenager now, made a lot of girls cry and played basketball with his peers. He was a handsome baby, very calm and quiet. We only sense that something was not normal when he was about 3 weeks old. His face and body started to twitch, he had tremors, minor at first and soon progressed to more serious seizures. Andre would sometimes stop breathing for a few minutes and would recover after a shot of his anti seizure medicines. His pediatrician said that it might be meningitis because he looked toxic and weak. When we transferred to another hospital the scan showed he had non communicating hydrocephalus and still no amount of medicine can cure my little prince. We stayed in 3 different hospitals. From private rooms to ICU’s. Talking to different doctors and specialist. At that time, doctors were not able to diagnosed what was causing the seizures. The Philippines was not yet equipped with the diagnosis of genetic related diseases. We only had 1 Geneticist in the country and still my son’s blood sample and urine had to be brought to Australia for checking. My son already died when we found out the initial diagnosis. It was Inborn Errors of Metabolism. In lay man’s terms it’s a genetic disorder. In my coming blogs I will be discussing further details of my son Andre and my other son Luke’s condition. For now, I would like to remember my little boy who brought so much sunshine and happiness in my life.
Andre lived for a few months but I will forever cherish our moments together. I learned to be more patient and I have become a stronger and better mother to my 3 children. I saw how he was struggling to survive. He fought so hard because I knew he wanted to live and be with us for a long time. He was ever patient with his doctors and nurses, quietly enduring the pain of the tubes and needles inserted in his tiny body. Every ache and pain, I felt it too. Wish I could just be the one to endure everything. I asked God, Why my baby? Why give him to me when you would only take him away from me? Everything happens for a reason. I know that Andre’s purpose was finished. He just wanted me to become a better person. a stronger and patient mother but most of all Andre taught me to love more.
The pain of letting him go was unimaginable. I felt the whole world collapsed. They say parents are not supposed to be the one burying their children, it is supposed to be the other way around. I know my little Prince is happy wherever he is right now. I am still thankful that I had him even for a short time. Andre was a gift. He was priceless. I will never ever forget Him and I miss him every single day. I love you sweetheart! I will forever love and cherish you.