Rebound…. stays in the basketball court

To get over an old love is to find a new one Is this even true? Does this work?

Why do people rebound after a break up? Let me first define a Rebound relationship. A rebound relationship is typically a distraction. It is a new relationship we embark that keeps us from having to experience the emotional pain of our recent heartbreak. It is an attempt to move on with our lives. For some they will jump back into a new relationship because they fear being alone or to avoid the emotional stress of the bad break up.

This is naturally not good for oneself or for the other person involved. Whenever we break up with someone the feelings is still fresh. We may feel bitter and hate. It may have been a bad break up but like it or not we have shared a lot of good and bad memories with that other person. Those feelings would creep up every now and then which will make us more vulnerable to feelings of wanting to be in a new relationship. There is a small success rate in rebound relationships. If you’re lucky.

People coming from a bad break up would want to feel loved again, this is fine as long as we start the process of healing first. How can you give 100% of yourself when you are broken, hurt and bitter? How can you love another person if you have not even accepted the fact that your old relationship is over. When you are still living in the shadow of an old flame?

I know a certain girl who broke up with a boyfriend recently. They were together for about 5 to 6 years. Typical break up story Guy meets a new a girl, courts the new girl does not work out, falls out of love, girl gets bored so on and so forth. The couple broke up but we people witness the girl sobbing every time she remembers the guy. A new guy comes along, acts as a friend, a shoulder to cry one, offers support, comforts her and spends most of his time with the broken girl. In short, the Knight in shining Armour. Girl feels good, goes out with the new guy, spends time with him, talking on the phone till the wee hours of the morning. Everything is doing great. New guy says its fine as long as he can help the girl move on. A martyr! In reality, the girl is just using the new guy to show everybody that she has moved on. To show the old boyfriend that she is doing fine and back on the dating scene. To say, hey I have new guy, eat your heart out. Lo and behold, girl is still in contact with the old boyfriend. Now, girl tells the new guy “I am confused, I don’t really don’t know what I want. I like you but I still love him.” OUCH!!!!! That hurts girl!

How can this be a fair relationship? A little sensitivity is very much appreciated. My take on this is that if we are still hurting, coping and have not started the process of healing we should never entertain the thought of dating so soon nor being with another person with the exception of friends and family. This would not only hurt the new gal or guy but it leaves a bad taste in the mouth. I saw this scenario wherein the girl used this guy to feel good about herself again. But the new guy, he may not talk nor express his feelings. He is hurt and devastated.

My personal opinion, REBOUND relationships is just a quick fix. If you think you’ve not moved on yet, It would be better to be by yourself for a while. Sort out the feelings, spend time alone, mend the broken heart, learn to love yourself first, find self-respect and maybe when you’re whole again then you might be ready for that new LOVE.

A Rebound stays in the basketball court not the love and dating field.

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