Monthly Archives: November 2012

Innocent Flirtation…

The fun in innocent flirtation. Sometimes we flirt unconsciously with the opposite sex. I am guilty of this innocent act too. Innocent???? why do we say it’s just innocent flirting? Because it may just be a game? Or maybe just a prank. And sometimes it may just be wanting to catch the attention of the person you wish to attract and not wanting to progress to a whole new level of relationship. Whatever it is, innocent or not, it’s still flirtation. Once you flirt with someone, you are grabbing the attention of that particular person. Sending out wrong signals and emotions. It’s not acceptable for some to flirt with someone who is already committed but if the flirtation is reciprocated by the other person it’s not bad as it looks. Flirtation may send out wrong signals especially to those who are gullible and vulnerable to feelings of wanting to attract people, of wanting to be in a relationship. It may look aggressive, straightforward and cocky. For me, it’s not really wrong to flirt as long as the person is not making fun of the other, not wanting to hurt or step on other shoes. Flirting is sexy and fun. It boosts your self-confidence, self-esteem and it makes you feel good. If you flirt make sure you can carry the flirtation all throughout. It may just be for fun or may lead to a one night stand or even a new relationship. But once a person reciprocates the act and you leave the other person hanging, that would just be a big joke on oneself and quite unfair for the other.

I had an experience recently with someone who flirted with me. I never wanted to make a big deal out of it. However, I admit I did like the flirtation and it felt good inside. I felt sexy and confident. I like the guy and it seems he likes me too. I think we both enjoyed the innocent flirting but after that incident, nothing followed. So there, a great example of an innocent one. Just wanting to grab the attention of another person we are attracted to and nothing more.

But I also asked myself? Was I holding back? Was he holding back? Or we both knew we won’t be able to handle the situation after we give in to the flirting? I know for a fact I was holding back. It’s scary because you’ll never know where it will lead you. There are people who will get hurt or will not like it. But at the back of my mind, I wish we never held back. Ha ha ha!

Don’t flirt if you can’t handle the outcome. Innocent or not the repercussions may be far too great but If one can handle it, then go ahead by all means FLIRT. Just be ready for whatever lies ahead.

Man + (Woman) + Alcohol = TROUBLE

Some men I don’t understand during parties. They treat you nice, they show you great stuff, treat you like a princess and even make you feel that he likes you. But wait!!!! Before we jump to the conclusion that this perfect shiny guy is into you, look again…. He is just drunk! Ha ha ha! Gotcha! The problem with some men is that when alcohol takes over them they don’t know what the hell they are saying or doing. There are women who are like these as well. Sending wrong signals to the opposite sex is trouble. There are people who are vulnerable to these actions and feelings. Sometimes when a person is lonely they tend to feel overwhelmed by the show of affection given by a not so sober person in front of them. We get carried away by these strong actions that we sometimes think it is for real when it is not really the case. Alcohol does not help in any way start a beautiful romantic relationship. It may just start a physical attraction and connection but will never progressed to a real relationship once the alcohol subsides. Alcohol clouds our minds, it makes us aggressive and more open to dangers of the heart.

I myself drink. I get drunk, really drunk. But I make sure I don’t lose myself to the moment. I become weak, vulnerable, in the sense that I am lost with the show of affection of a man but I never let myself fall too much. Just enjoying the moment and when the next day comes, I’ll soon find out if there was really a connection and not just a spur/lust of the moment experience. If there is, then good. If there’s none, then much better because I was right. I never allowed myself to fall to that scary, seductive moment.

Lesson is that keep an open mind, don’t fall for silly acts of sweetness and kindness during a drinking binge. Just enjoy yourself, drink lots of iced water and take Tylenol after. Make sure you are in the right company. Know your boundaries and limitations. Never allow yourself to get lost in the moment. The music is intoxicating, the alcohol is stimulating the inner self, but we still have the control over our mind and body.

So just chill, have good clean fun. MAN+WOMAN+ALCOHOL= FUN and not TROUBLE

the woman nobody knew existed…

I have been wanting to write about the colorful life of mistresses or shall I say the “other woman?”
I am pretty sure I will be getting a lot of comments about this blog. Lately, I have been bombarded with local movies pertaining to this subject. No other Woman, Neighbor’s Wife, A Secret Affair and The Mistress. All of which I watched and enjoyed. The life of the other woman is not as complicated as the life of a wife. She may be in the shadows but she is a happy woman. Her man comes to her and needs her, she is content. But let me just ask why do men need mistresses? Why do men have secret affairs? Why is a wife not enough? My Ex husband had countless mistresses. My mom once questioned. What the hell is he looking for? You’re smart, beautiful, a good cook, a good mother to your kids. What else is he looking for? For many years, I did not know the real answer.

Wives always ask the question, What’s wrong with me? Is it the way I look? Is it the way I cook? Is it the way I dress? WHAT???? Sometimes as wives, we will never understand the reason. But for me, I discovered from years and years of experience with friends who were once the other woman, and maybe my own experience when I never knew that I was also the other woman. Men, seek thrill. Men, seek excitement. Men seek spark, Men seek a different flavor. When you are a married couple, your lives become a routine. You become comfortable with each other and the situation. You become very trusting and complacent. Sometimes the fire that once was there in the marriage has gone to smoke. In defense to married men, it’s not all the time that they seek a new woman in their lives. There are times when it just happens. Man meets new woman, got attracted to each other, falls in love, have sex, found new fire and thrill and it keeps going. Some wives may get angry at me but I have to say, Mistresses are not always at fault. They are human beings too. Capable of giving the same amount of love as a wife would give to her husband. Yes, it is wrong to fall in love with a married person. But it’s already there. Nobody can stop it nor control it. It just happens.

Mistresses know how to handle their man. They know how to make their man happy, they know the weaknesses of the wife so they know what to do. Mistresses know their way in bed. Why else would a married man come back for more over and over again? Because the sex is great! The sex is awesome. It’s new and exciting. Even if it’s wrong, for them it feels just right. That’s just one factor. Mistresses know what their men don’t like and make sure every time their man is around,they make sure he is not reminded of his married life. One thing I also observed is that the other woman always dresses to impress. They look smart, sexy and independent. They will never dress like the wife. They too are trophy wives. Well, there are some, who becomes clingy to their man and act like they are wives so they are being left when they start acting that way. A general rule for mistresses is never act like you are the wife. And for wives to act like a mistress in bed. Nowadays, more women are starting to be open to this open relationship. Some women, would think it’s okay most especially if they don’t have plans of really getting married and have kids. Or for some it may just be casual. No strings attached. It’s a choice, nobody should dictate nor judge. Because how a person live his life is nobody’s business.

We are not to judge anyone nor mistresses. I for one never confronted any of my husband’s mistresses. Just as long as they know their boundaries and limitations, they don’t meddle with my kids money, they don’t throw a tantrum on my face then we are all fine. Mistresses should always know where they stand, they should know when to stop so as not to get hurt or hurt anyone else. Right? Wives, will always be wives and will always have legal control and rights. The other woman should know that first and foremost.

It’s never wrong to love a married person but know when to draw the line.

the EX boyfriend…

I have always had this belief that once an EX always an EX. It was never my attitude to go back to my past relationships because for me once it’s over, it’s so over and done with. I had an experience with an ex boyfriend. We saw each other after 15 years and reminisced the past. For a while it was kinda romantic and nostalgic. We tried for a second time but it failed. He was different now. He had commitment issues. He just wanted me around, he wanted us to go out and still see other people. He was not ready for a full-time relationship or because I already have kids and I am a single mother. I ended it before it got deeper and before I got hurt. It was never clear what really happened between us the second time around. Right now, we still see each other and manage to say Hi’s and Hello’s. But as far as getting back together, Nah!!! It won’t happen.

Recently, I came across with another EX through Facebook who is miles away in another country. He was my boyfriend when I was still very young. Let’s say it was puppy love. He was so intense during the time we were still an item and I was young and not serious about anything. I got scared. I felt that if I allow him to be more intense with me, we might have eloped and ran away. So 20 years or so has passed and we had the chance to talk again. It was really nice. reminiscing about the past, laughing together about the silly stuff we did. Escaping from home to be together, writing love letters, watching movies. Maybe we both felt a tiny spark, we saw a tiny light when we recently spoke, I don’t know. I have been separated for almost 8 years now and so is he. We have not thought about getting back together but we both admitted it was fun and refreshing to be talking again and sharing stories about our life and kids. I’ve never wanted to be married again nor have kids. I am happy as it is. But if someone special comes and be part of my life, who will make me laugh, share my dreams and hopes for my kids. Someone special who will be with me watching the sunset when my hair is gray and my skin is wrinkled. Why not? It may be someone new, someone I have never met, someone young, someone old or even an EX…. An ex who once became a part of my life, who made me laugh, cried with me, listened to me and made sacrifices. No one can tell.

For now, it is unclear. Who knows what the future holds for both of us. They say love is lovelier the second time around but I was never a believer of this. Let’s see what happens. Let’s see how we fare the second time around.

never forgotten….

Today we are remembering our dearly departed loved ones. We have a misconception that November 1 is All Soul’s day but in fact it is All Saint’s Day and November 2 is All Soul’s Day but nevertheless, it is a time and day of remembering our loved ones who once made our lives happy and unforgettable.

I miss my Dad… Every single day since he passed. I would say I have not totally moved on nor recovered. I know that he is now at peace. I should never worry or be sad. I just miss his presence. I miss and love you Dad!

I remember Lolo Vicente. Even if he was not my biological grand father. I was his favorite grand-daughter. He looked after me when Mom and Dad were at work and my brother was in school. He spoiled me. He was blind but it was not a hindrance for him to take care of me when I was a little girl. While I am doing this I can’t help but feel lonely. I miss Lolo Vicente. I am also remembering my 2 favorite Aunts. Auntie Cely and Auntie Mercy. They are women that I truly respect and love so much. They have shown the true meaning of being selfless, giving and helping others. I love them dearly. I also remember today my in-laws. Mama Beth and Papa Cesar. They have been so kind and understanding. They accepted me in their lives. Welcomed me and supported me and my (ex) husband during trying moments especially during the passing of my 2 little boys. I want to thank them. I am truly blessed that they have been a big part of my
life.

Of all the dearly departed that I remember today is my 2 little boys. Zean Andre and Luke Martin. Although they have been a part of my life for just a short period of time, they have brought so much joy, love and inspiration. I have become a stronger person, a better mom and a God-fearing woman. It saddens me whenever I remember my beautiful angels. Sometimes I wish they were still here with me and their other siblings. My life would have been different with 5 kids.

Today is a day of remembering our loved ones who once enjoyed life and made a big significance in this world but for me they should never be forgotten. They may not be here with us anymore, but the memories, the laughter, the tears and the love we have shared with them will forever be in our hearts. Soon, it would be our time but we never want to be forgotten by the ones we will be leaving behind. We don’t want to be just memories, we want to leave lasting impressions of love and inspiration….