Monthly Archives: January 2013

….battered women

People may start wondering why I am blogging about this very sensitive issue, Is she a battered woman? In some ways, YES! Emotionally battered if I may say. But my topic for today’s blog is more on violence against women which is becoming very rampant nowadays. I am deeply saddened and full of rage every time I hear stories about women being abused. There are so many different ways a woman is being abused. Physical abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse and so on.

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I am sitting here on my laptop thinking of the lady friends I know who suffered so much in the hands of ruthless, mean and no good for nothing men in their lives. One of my best friends endured the physical, verbal and emotional torment in the hands of her then boyfriend and now ex husband. I vividly remember the time when she would report for work with dark bruises on her arms and body. She would confide in me how she was punched, pushed and slapped on the face. I could not believe nor comprehend the experience my friend endured. I could not do anything, I was just there angry, sad and devastated. All I could is listen, comfort her, support her, give her words of wisdom and understanding. My other friend who has a live in partner that has a drug addiction problem who physically and sexually abuses her. At one point when she just gave birth to their second child, the crazy partner opened the gas tank and attempted to open his lighter. While holding onto her month old baby, fighting her partner, and trying to get the lighter from him. Just imagine if she wasn’t able to stop him. The whole house could have exploded and they all died with their baby. Sometimes she would be tied to the bed whenever they have sex. Sick guy! Another friend who is also close to my heart, refuses to leave her dear husband for his unending womanizing ways. Emotionally, my friend is battered. You can see in her eyes the sadness, the hurt and the frustration every time her husband fools around with other women. It affects her work and her overall personality

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Battered Women, who experience domestic violence suffers emotional abuse. The effects are not physical alone. It puts a mark on the inner being of a woman. My observation on my friends is that they share the same thinking. He will change, he was just angry, I love him, I want to save the marriage, I don’t want my kids to grow up without a father, I want my family to be intact. I have heard these lines too many times every time I try to talk to them and tell them to just leave or report it to the authorities. They will just cry and take it all in. So what now? These women will do anything, accept anything, for the sake of a complete family. They will suffer the bruises, the harsh words, the kicks, punches and embarrassment.
Battered women becomes numb to the things they endure day in and day out. It’s like they get used to it that they allow this type of abuse to go on and on. In the long run a battered woman suffers low self-esteem, post traumatic stress, anxiety, depression, fear and they have a hard time trusting men again once they become separated from their abusive partners.

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I have been abused emotionally. I took it all in for about four years and I just felt I owe it to myself to let him go while I still have respect for myself and my self-esteem is hanging by a thread. But never will I allow a man to hurt me physically. Not a chance. not even a push. Nobody is allowed to hurt or maligned anyone. It’s our body and we have to protect it from anyone who will attempt to hurt us may it be physical or emotional. I once said to my mother if a man tries to hurt me or succeeded to punch me I will fight back like there is no tomorrow. I will never ever allow myself to be a battered woman. I love myself too much and I want my children to respect me and look up to me. I want my children to grow up strong, and not living a life in fear.

Men who hurt women physically are total cowards. This is so true! I know this for a fact. They can only hurt women but they are so afraid whenever they are confronted by authorities or family members. These are men who doesn’t have balls, who can only hurt women and not their own kind. Total idiots. They think it’s so macho to womanize. Well, it’s not! It’s stupid to flirt around and sleep around most especially if you have a beautiful, successful wife waiting for you at home. Why marry a woman and get stuck with her for the rest of your life, when all you want to do is put your freaking D*** inside every woman you meet??? A man thinks he is tough whenever he could punch a woman on the face. Why not try someone your own size and gender? Or better try entering UFC or the WWE? Then you can beat up all the men you want.

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Women should never allow this to happen to them whatever the circumstances they are in. NEVER!!!! In the first instance this happens, I tell you LEAVE, FLEE! If you are not doing anything wrong then you must not suffer. We were not born to suffer at the hands of an abusive partner. Love yourself more, there are people who loves you and cares for you so much. Think about your children, your parents, your siblings. A man is just a man. If he is abusive then he doesn’t deserve YOU at all. There are far better things in life that you can have that you can enjoy. There are people who appreciates your talents, your skills and you’re being you.

Life should be enjoyed! There may be problems along the way. Trials come and go but to be miserable because you allow a man to hurt you over and over is just a plain No, NO. Free yourself from the stress, the sadness and the violence in your life. You can breathe easier and live a life without fear and danger. Life is already complicated don’t complicate it more.

I LOVE YOU BUT I LOVE MYSELF MORE!!!!! right???

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the fuss about cheap make up brands

I always wonder what’s the big fuss about people using cheaper brand of Make up??? I have been a make up user since I was 17 years old. I started with a pressed powder and lipstick given to me by my Mom which she got from an Aunt from the United States. I always get my make up from Mom because she has a lot of these stuff and at that time I did not have the means of buying my own because I was still a young college student. When I started working for a prestigious company I realized that pressed powder and lipstick was not enough when you are in the corporate world. The good thing is that I met friends who were really accustomed to wearing make up and taught me to use make up and buy the best foundation, eyeliner, lipstick, gloss, mascara and so on. At that time I was introduced to a famous brand and yes, it took a big chunk of money from my salary just to really look sophisticated. As time goes by, I became more and more adventurous. I tried different brands specifically the local brands. I did try other branded make up but there were brands that would make my skin break out. It was an experiment for me. I tried the local brands because as I have observed they are more affordable and I must say some local brands can really give the imported brands a run for their money when it comes to quality and affordability.

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I experimented with different brands. I use make up that makes me glow, that doesn’t lead to skin breakouts or rashes. When you check out my make up kit (kikay kit) you will see different brands. I don’t stick with just one brand. For example, the now famous BB cream. I found a really cheap brand that complements my skin, that shows a healthy glow. Why would I buy P800.00 BB cream when I can have one for only P150.00? No side effects, no pimples, no rash. My pressed powder is a local brand. It suits me. My blush, eye shadow is a bit more expensive but it was a gift from my mother so it’s ok. My lipstick and concealer is shall I say imported but very affordable which I bought from a leading department store. Eyebrow pencils which I bought for P20.00 just to define my brows. My eye liner and eye lash curler are products endorsed by local actresses.

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I don’t really know what’s the fuss about brands? If one is comfortable and happy with the way the make up looks on oneself. Is it because it’s cheap or nameless that some makes a mockery about it? It’s not anybody’s business to criticize what is inside the make up kit of one person. Take into consideration that some of us might just want to save for some stuff that are far more important. As long as the brand doesn’t have toxic chemicals or bad side effects so be it.

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My take on this is that why would a woman try so hard to buy the expensive brands if there are no means to buy one? Why be so brand conscious when it will just put a very big hole in the pocket? When we can have something more affordable and budget friendly. It’s a case to case basis. If you have the means then go ahead and splurge but for some please do not mock people using cheaper brands. There are reasons and those reasons are not for you to find out or even your business to attend to. Respect every woman’s individuality and style. We are born unique and we have our own sense of style.

Remember, it’s not the brand that carries a person in public. It’s how you show class, confidence and style in your very own way. You wear all the expensive brands but you don’t show class and dignity, so what’s the use? Make up enhances a woman’s over all physical look. A woman is beautiful even without make up on. The important thing is that you don’t need make up to bring out the inner beauty, it radiates from within.

Don’t fuss about the make up brand, fuss about your own life and maybe you’ll learn a thing or two….

Do we need a Knight in Shining Armour?

I have been a single mom for almost 10 years now. Many would ask how I cope, how I have survived the many challenges of single parenting. Some would say it would be easier if I find a partner who would help me go through life. Someone I can be with when the children are all grown up. Someone, I can depend on when times get difficult, Someone, who would help me financially, someone who would help me raise my kids. I have always given thought about these things however, when I really give a deep though about it, It’s like I need rescue from a Man, I need a Knight in Shining Armour. I said to myself, yeah! times are tough when you are alone but if you have this kind of thinking of wanting to have someone to help you out with all the dramas in life. It’s kinda wrong to want someone in your life to be just a life saver. Do I need rescue? Do I need help? Do I need a man who would pull me out of my misery? Am I a Damsel in distress? Maybe, maybe not.

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You go into a relationship to be happy. To stay in love. To have someone to share a future. To share your thoughts, your dreams and your passion in life. Having a partner not necessarily mean that he/she will shoulder your burdens, Of course, once you become a couple, it’s automatic that you help out each other in everything. My point is we don’t look for a Man or a Knight or even a prince to save us from the maddening world of life. Women don’t need saving. We can definitely help ourselves. We have ways and means to solve our own problems. Men and relationships is a bonus in life specifically for Women like me who is a single parent.

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To be gifted by a loving and generous man is really a blessing. If he comes, then great! If he doesn’t, then it’s perfectly fine. Sometimes, I think about fairy tale princesses like Sleeping Beauty, what if her Prince Charming did not come and kiss her? What if Cinderella’s Prince did not find her and the shoe fit someone else? What if Snow White’s Prince never found her? I guess things would have been different. It would not have been a fairy tale after all. But do Women really need rescuing? What if we can be our own Knight in Shining Armour? I have been blessed with patience, a strong personality and a courage of a warrior. I believe I am in my own right a Knight in Shining Armour. I am my kid’s hero. I am their inspiration, I am their strength. So I am a Knight in Shining Armour, in the eyes of my kids I am and will always be their Knight.

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I am not saying we don’t need Men. Relationships makes our lives happier. It inspires us to be more beautiful inside and out. It spices up our lives and adds a smile in us. As I’ve said, finding a really nice man would be a bonus. Not finding him is not a loss.

So do we really need a Knight in Shining Armour? Nah! Just a simple guy who will give us all the love and understanding and a little extra from his savings. Ha ha ha! Just kidding….

Unsolicited Advice, anyone?

We sometimes give advice to people whom we think needs help and a push but based from my experience It’s offending to receive unsolicited advice most especially to those who are not asking for it. We do not know what these people have gone through in life, what their challenges and fears, their successes and failures, their hardships and goals. Giving out a piece of advice not asked nor requested is not a good thing. Don’t act as if you know how to tackle life and others don’t. Challenges, trials are all part of life. We want everything to be as normal and simple. There comes a moment in one’s life that you sometimes feel incapable and demotivated. Let this be. You will never know the cause of one’s emotions and by just pouring out a piece of your mind on the situation may aggravate one’s feelings, making a person more severely incapable. I give out advice on my blog site but to people in general and not to make people less of a person and to boost morale.

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THINK before you speak your mind out….. Assess the person before you give out unsolicited advice because you might be surprised that the person in front of you came from battles you have never imagined. Let people feel what they want to feel, Let them learn from their mistakes, Let them wallow in their sadness. Wait if they ask for your advice and you may freely give them what they need. We may still have a lot to learn in life before we can be a pro in all aspects of our daily lives.

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Optimism is ME! In all my 37 years I have been through so many battles and I am proud to say that I am still standing tall. I have greatly learned from my mistakes and I am still a work in progress. I truly ask for motivation and guidance from the people I truly respect and love. The people whom I am very close to. The people who proved to me and the society that they have what it takes to face any difficulties in life. I am open to feedback and suggestions. But please do not tell me what to do and how to do things. I do not take advice or crap from people who doesn’t know half of what I’ve been through. I eat and breathe challenges and trials. I take everything in stride. I have my ways in coping and the people close to me know who I really am. If you have something to say and you know It’s not being asked from you, Keep it to yourself. Sometimes Less talk, fewer mistakes…..

Leaders are Learners

This is a post related to my other one Why People Quit People. I would like to focus on leadership skills these past few weeks and share what I have I learned from my readings and my experiences from my previous leaders.

The title of this post is Leaders are Learners which for me is very very important. Leaders, should always have a thirst for knowledge. A leader should constantly sharpen the mind and the soul. It does not stop when he/she gets promoted to the position. Learning is not only gained from reading books, attending training’s and seminars. It is also helpful to have a wise and spirited mentor. We learn from our own experiences in life. We listen what others can say and contribute. Leaders are not afraid to be overshadowed by others. Leaders are supposed to be good listeners, they know how to listen, understand and acknowledge others. Nobody succeeds alone from the book “What Makes a Leader” Yes, a team will never reach their goals if it is not a collective team effort from its team members and the Leader. A leader will never succeed if he/she has closed their ears to opinions and suggestions of others. A good leader see potential in others and will never be afraid to hone the skills of others and become a mentor. He/she will never be afraid to share the best practices learned from experience.

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Leadership is a learning process. Nobody was born to be a perfect leader. What is important is to keep an open mind, to always have a drive to do better, to listen to what others have to say. Leadership is not being the boss of your company. It is leading people to achieve their full potential. To motivate people to success. It is inspiring people to do good and produce results. It is not embarrassing people pushing them to do what is not right. Leaders are not supposed to cheat to be on top, because with this practice you teach your subordinates to do the wrong things and produces bad leaders. Leaders do the right things!

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Leaders are Learners, they know when to listen, they know they need to learn more. They know they need to develop themselves to be able to become effective and successful leaders.
If you are a Leader and you are reading this blog. STOP! and learn. Ask yourself, What you are doing wrong? Do you have enough knowledge and skills to handle a team? Do you need to learn more? Accept it, do not be afraid to accept the fact that you are a learning individual. You are not perfect. Therefore, there is a big room for change and development. Listen and learn my dear leaders….

“If you stop learning today, You stop leading tomorrow” Howard Hendricks

A Hopeful 2013

I have not post a new blog for quite some time as I was preoccupied with so many things. I was harassed by an incident that left me penniless for the New year’s. Gladly, there were a few people who extended their help. This is one of the many things I am thankful for. 2012 was not kind enough to spare me the ordeal of facing tough moments and situations in life. However, it made me a better and stronger person. I cared more for people who give me unconditional love and patience. This year I also realized that I was never a part of a family whom I thought I belonged to. Through the years I always thought I was one of them but with one group message that changed everything. I may have turned my back on them now but they never realized that I got so hurt and disappointed. Now, I am a totally different person. If you don’t want me, I don’t want you either. I have kids who loves me so much. I have a mom even if at times we don’t agree on certain things but never turned her back on me. I have a brother who seldom speaks of the bad things I do but continuously loving, protecting and caring for me. Blood is thicker than water as they say. But, I stopped believing on this. Someday, they will realize. I was always not there. YES!!! it was not always my choice at all. Instead of reaching out, welcoming me into their lives, accepting me without question. I find myself in the sea of criticism, anger and disappointment. I was never perfect. but I always loved them and kept them in my heart.

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2013 brings new hope. A fresh start. I want to say goodbye to 2012 not with a heavy heart but with lessons learned and a hopeful heart and mind. It was not that bad though. I lost, I gained, I found, but most of all I saw…
I know 2013 would be full of surprises. There would be challenges, tough roads ahead but I am positive that this year is a far better year for me and my family. God is truly good to me. After a long stressful year of 2012. He finally gave me one more reason to smile and be more happier.

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I want to thank the people who have inspired me to move forward. I thank my children for being so supportive in all my endeavors, My Mom for trusting me more. My Brother Ed for never giving up on me. My cousins who shared my grief, my thoughts, my happy moments. My Uncles, Aunts who is always there for me. My friends/best friends/ close friends who never fails to understand and give support. My colleagues, my bosses, the company where I work for. I thank Mama and Papa for bringing me into this world. Thank you to both of you. Thank you Paqs, for brightening the latter part of my 2012. I hope and pray that it would be a brighter 2013 for us. We both know that this may be it for us. Thank you for putting a smile in my lips, for making me happy everyday. I promise to do the same. Finally, I thank God. For everything that I have. for everything that I have learned. Thank you God!

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HAPPY NEW YEAR MY FAITHFUL READERS!!!! I promise to blog more this year. Wishing everybody a fruitful, Prosperous, Blessed and Loving 2013!!!!