It’s been quite a while since I last posted a Blog. Well, I have been really busy doing a lot of things left and right. Being a full-time mother to my grown-up children, a daughter to an 81-year-old mother who has an onset of dementia, grandmother to a year and a half old grandson, sister, friend, counselor, cook, baker, virtual worker, name it I’m doing it. A very personal and emotional thing happened to me just a few days ago Let me tell you a story of a Mother’s pain.
What is a Mother??? What is her role? Until when does a mother serve and give herself to the service of her family and kids? What are her boundaries? Is a mother’s love eternal and unconditional? I started young, I had my first child when I was 18 years old. Back then I really had no idea what motherhood was. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs since my first child. I was not a Mother Theresa, I was not a perfect mother but I know I as time passes by, I learned from all the experiences that I have encountered in the course of my being a Mom. Life was not easy. Sometimes I want to give up and sometimes I just wanted everybody to just leave me alone. But looking back I am grateful for having so many special people helping me along the way, teaching me, correcting me. I couldn’t have done all of those responsibilities and trials if not for people who cared and mattered to me the most.
Motherhood is not being able to prove to anyone that you can do it all alone, it’s not showing off to people that you are a hands-on Mom or a Super Mom. It is acknowledging the fact that yes, you need people around you, who will teach you, make you a better person, mold you to become a good Mom. I am a work in progress. I never said I was perfect. The world doesn’t revolve in me alone. I am still learning to be a good Mom. I still want to love and take care of people not only my children and grandson. I want to be better because I know there is still so much to learn with so little time.
A mother’s love is unconditional and eternal. You can have different husbands, wives and even change your sexual preferences but a Mother is eternal and constant. Forgiving and forever loving a child that will test her patience and boundaries.
I am in so much pain as I am writing this Blog. When a child looks at you and has not looked back at all the things that you have sacrificed and done for that child to be happy and successful. When a child looks at you and tells you were just there because you wanted money. Not ever thinking of the everyday sacrifice that you have to go through from day one, the countless battles of sleepiness and tiredness, the bills that need to be paid, work that needs to be done and have fought tooth and nail for all the bad things thrown to a child’s face. To always believe what a child says even though sometimes a mother doubts the innocence. But yes! till the very end, the mother will protect and standby her child.
Respect, acknowledgment and a small amount of love and appreciation. Your pride will not get you anywhere. It did not even settle with your friends. How much more with your family? Have you ever asked yourself why people leave, why they don’t talk to you anymore?
One day you will realize this when your child is all grown up and you’re getting older. I’ve done my part, I’ve said everything that I can say. The hurt will always remain in my heart but who am I not to forgive a child who will only acknowledge her faults and throw away that pride and broken ego. It’s not about me, it’s not a pity party. Someday when I am no longer around and you will read this and realize what my heart is telling you. We may never go back to the way were in the past but moving on, You are a mother too, listen to your own heart, Open your mind, it’s not going to break you as a person nor make you less of a person but instead it will make you a compassionate and dedicated person.
A mother’s heart can endure a thousand more pain, but the soul sometimes gets too weary and tired.
We may never find each other nor speak heart to heart but forever you will be in my heart but for now, I’ll let you be as I start a new journey in rehabilitating my broken heart and soul. I am tired, really tired I think it’s time for me to take care of ME.