Since I have not written something just yet, I am re-blogging one of my
favorite post. And it’s almost Valentine’s Day all lovers out there.
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Since I have not written something just yet, I am re-blogging one of my
I could still remember the time I had my first child Camille 19 years ago. It took my family by surprise that I was about to give birth to my lovely daughter. I was not prepared for motherhood at that time. I did not know what to expect. I did not know what mother’s are supposed to do. I was turning 18 then. I missed my debut, I had to stop school for a while but I never treated it as a failure in my life. I was young and I knew back then so many things can still happen. I went back to college went on with my life. It was so normal for me. I started working part-time because I did not want to burden my parents with everything. I would admit I was not able to enjoy being a first time mother. My child called me Achie, it was chinese for Big sister. I did not really mind because we were together most of the time and I love her. She was adorable. Loves to sing even if she can’t carry a tune. She likes putting lotion on my tummy. Loves to read books and magazines which now I know why she wants to be a writer after her degree in Mass-communications. She grew up to be an Achiever. From Pre school to College, Camille never failed to bring home the bacon. Medals, certificates, achievements. She gave it to me and I am a proud Mama.
Three years had passed and I had my second child Coleen. I thought all long he was a boy. I did not have an ultrasound because I wanted it to be a surprise and boy was I surprised when I saw her and the doctor said “It’s a girl!” All I could think about was ‘AGAIN!” another girl??? But she was a darling. She was an extrovert. A show off. She would dance for everyone, talk non stop. She grew up a little naughty. Living her life as if there’s no tomorrow. Trying different things, experimenting. I could partially see myself in her. I call her “the REBEL” Although she is not as bad as I was when I was her age but she tends to go beyond. I let her do what she wants but I guide her. She knows that I wouldn’t allow her to do stupid stuff like I used to. I know better now. She’s my musician. She is great with the guitar. Has so much passion with music and Information Technology. She gave me grades of 1.5 for her First year in college. Who wouldn’t be proud of her? I am.
My one and only living boy is Paul. Pao-pao as we fondly call him. My quiet warrior. He was born a year after his older brother Andre passed away. (You would know the history of this if you have read all my blogs). Pao is my miracle baby. He had a baby brother named Luke who also passed away 5 months after birth. Pao is such a joy to all of us. My daughters never felt jealous about the love he was showered. He is the baby of the family. What I like about Pao is he silently cares for the people around him. He doesn’t talk much but you would feel the love he has for you. Pao is the type of child who takes everything in stride. No pressure! He is a cool dude. Only worries when he has nothing to eat or nothing to do at home. He loves basketball, going to the mall and eating ice cream. I don’t really pressure him to do good in school. I just want him to enjoy himself. He is my teddy bear. I hug him even if he is now a teenager. sometimes he feels awkward most especially when there are people around us.
I guess my kids gave me everything that I never got as a child, teenager even as an adult. I had so many frustrations in life. I wanted to do so much more which I never did. but my kids are my greatest achievements. They have done so many things I am truly proud of. Whatever they have achieved in life, in my heart I know I was part of that. I am just the happiest Mom and the most fulfilled one because of my children. They inspire me, made me a better person. I am a complete person even without a man. I will forever be thankful to my kids.
Oh how time flies, I could still remember their faces as babies. When all they could say was Mama, help! Mama, ouch! Mama, don’t leave me. Now, they go on with their teenage lives. Started dating, being with friends most of the time. Doing their thing. I am not the conservative type of Mom. I let them be. I allow them to go out in the world and experience life first hand. I still have control but I allow them to be on their own, to make decisions for themselves. I am still here to guide them and give them advice. I want them to grow up strong, mature and disciplined individuals. I grew up with a very strong personality. I want them to have that. I don’t want people stepping on their toes. I want them to stand up for what they believed in. I love my children so much. Sometimes I feel sad that one of these days they will have their own lives, their own families and their own careers. I might end up alone. But I know my kids so well. We just couldn’t live without each other. but whatever paths they choose, whatever lives they want to live, I am just here to support them, nurture them and love them all the way. Mama will always be there for them, no matter what.
I tell this to all parents to love your children, spend time with them, listen to them, allow them to breathe and spread their wings. Our children are the most precious jewels we will ever have. No husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend can take their place in our lives. Time flies so fast that if you do not cherish moments with them it will just pass by and you will just have regrets that you never had the chance to be with them.
Love them, protect them, nurture them….. Sometimes, they are all you’ve got in this world.
My brain was not functioning well for the past few weeks. I was engrossed with work and meeting my stats. I want to focus on my blog as my avid readers and followers are asking me what’s new on my blog. I was inspired to write this afternoon about Men in general. Spices and sparkle. I was chatting with an Ex bf slash childhood friend slash good friend. we were talking about his family life. He would often joke about us going out on a date or checking out other girls and I would tell him it’s not right. I told him you are very much married and a family man. That would simply be unfair to your wife and your kids, I said. I was really surprise with his answer when he said, She is my wife, she is the mother of my children. that won’t ever change. Then why ask for a date with me or with another girl? He simply replied maybe I miss the excitement. The thrill. Aaaahhhh!!! I said. You miss the spice of being in an intimate relationship. The goose bumps, the stomach twisting moments, the crazy I’m in love feeling. The fireworks. The electricity. But whatever happened to the love between spouses? The cuddling, the just you and me alone time. What really happens after the wedding, the honeymoon stage, the pregnancy, the childbirth?
Most people would say everything stops after the children are born. Couples get preoccupied in taking care of the children. Busy schedules, school meetings, business meetings and so on. We miss the fact that we have our partners to think about. I was once married. And I must say that there was a point in my marriage when all we thought about was the kids, our finances and our jobs. We missed the fact that first and foremost we were a married couple that we were suppose to take care of each other. That we have to make each other feel special. Don’t let the romance leave the relationship or the marriage.
For most women it is easy to sacrifice everything for the sake of a happy and complete family. But for most men, not all! There is always an urge to seek and find thrill and adventure. Men look at us women differently when we give birth. It’s like we lost the glamour, the sparkle. I would admit I embraced motherhood when I had children. I forgot to love myself, to look good and feel good about myself. I focus more on being the best mother in the world. It’s a good thing I realized my shortcomings early and changed not for my husband but for ME…. Just for me, for my self-worth. It was too late though for my marriage. I couldn’t save it. But I’m ok, I’m in love once agin and I hope I won’t make the same mistake again.
So what’s with men and spice??? Men would always look for something new and exciting. Something new to their taste and preference. the important thing with us women is that we have to do our best to keep the fire burning. Bring lots of spice in the marriage and relationship. Be a little more adventurous, try something different. Something kinky. Red lingerie, hand cuffs, whipped cream, candles, a pole, role playing, whatever it takes to make it really special and enticing. Men are visual in general. When they like what they see and they want it bad and they try to get it. It stimulates their brain and senses and most especially their ****.
So why not add a little spice, it won’t hurt.
What’s a little spice in our relationship, when it could keep your man hooked.
Tomorrow I will be celebrating my 37th birthday. No celebrations nor fanfare. just some quality family time. I began to assess the years gone by and truly I must say I lived a colorful and emotional life. 37 years may sound short but when I look back I have been through a lot of things which I believe a normal 37-year-old woman would not have gone through. For starters, I knew all my life that I was adopted. My mom was so strict that me and my brother can’t do stuff normal teenagers would do. I was a rebel. I did a lot of stupid and crazy things in life. I never had a perfect relationship with any guy. The longest relationship I had would actually be around 8 years or so. I lost 2 children to a genetic disorder. I have piles and piles of debt. My career is I would say steady. No personal growth for at least 7 years. I was tricked by a man in lending him money and never paying me back. Now he acts as if nothing happened even if it almost reached the high courts. My brother’s long time girlfriend died in a horrible fire which took her life and her niece’s life. She was very close to me. I liked her and losing her created a hole in my heart. I lost my Dad last February of this year. This will be my first birthday without him.
I have 3 wonderful and smart children. They are the only source of strength and joy in my life. There are some people whom they think they could better take care of my kids but I will never allow them to do so because my children are mine alone. Nobody can take them away from me. For some my parenting skills may sometimes be too liberated and carefree. But that’s how I want my 3 children to be raised. To have an open mind, to speak what they have to say. To be able to do the things I was not able to do. To reach their full potential. Their achievements are mine too.
If I look back now, I would say that my life is full of trials and drama. This blog would not be enough to sum up everything that has happened in the past. But I am the strong person that I am right now because of the trials, problems and hardships I have faced through the years. I am still a work in progress, I am learning and I hope I don’t get too tired or too frustrated with everything that is going on. I am a strong believer in love, life and happiness. I may not have found the right person to be with. I know somewhere out there, he is there for me.
My life is like a canvass. There is mystery, beauty, drama and joy rolled into one. I don’t care what others may say about me or how I live my life. What is important is that I live my life the way I want it to be. I don’t hurt nor step on others feelings. I learn from my mistakes. Impart to people my learning experiences. What I really need right now is to relax, enjoy and appreciate what I have and be content. I just need to pause for a minute and move on once again.
Everyone deserves to be happy. We must do what we have to do in order for us to achieve what needs to be achieved and learn to Live life, like there is no tomorrow….
Some men I don’t understand during parties. They treat you nice, they show you great stuff, treat you like a princess and even make you feel that he likes you. But wait!!!! Before we jump to the conclusion that this perfect shiny guy is into you, look again…. He is just drunk! Ha ha ha! Gotcha! The problem with some men is that when alcohol takes over them they don’t know what the hell they are saying or doing. There are women who are like these as well. Sending wrong signals to the opposite sex is trouble. There are people who are vulnerable to these actions and feelings. Sometimes when a person is lonely they tend to feel overwhelmed by the show of affection given by a not so sober person in front of them. We get carried away by these strong actions that we sometimes think it is for real when it is not really the case. Alcohol does not help in any way start a beautiful romantic relationship. It may just start a physical attraction and connection but will never progressed to a real relationship once the alcohol subsides. Alcohol clouds our minds, it makes us aggressive and more open to dangers of the heart.
I myself drink. I get drunk, really drunk. But I make sure I don’t lose myself to the moment. I become weak, vulnerable, in the sense that I am lost with the show of affection of a man but I never let myself fall too much. Just enjoying the moment and when the next day comes, I’ll soon find out if there was really a connection and not just a spur/lust of the moment experience. If there is, then good. If there’s none, then much better because I was right. I never allowed myself to fall to that scary, seductive moment.
Lesson is that keep an open mind, don’t fall for silly acts of sweetness and kindness during a drinking binge. Just enjoy yourself, drink lots of iced water and take Tylenol after. Make sure you are in the right company. Know your boundaries and limitations. Never allow yourself to get lost in the moment. The music is intoxicating, the alcohol is stimulating the inner self, but we still have the control over our mind and body.
So just chill, have good clean fun. MAN+WOMAN+ALCOHOL= FUN and not TROUBLE
I have always had this belief that once an EX always an EX. It was never my attitude to go back to my past relationships because for me once it’s over, it’s so over and done with. I had an experience with an ex boyfriend. We saw each other after 15 years and reminisced the past. For a while it was kinda romantic and nostalgic. We tried for a second time but it failed. He was different now. He had commitment issues. He just wanted me around, he wanted us to go out and still see other people. He was not ready for a full-time relationship or because I already have kids and I am a single mother. I ended it before it got deeper and before I got hurt. It was never clear what really happened between us the second time around. Right now, we still see each other and manage to say Hi’s and Hello’s. But as far as getting back together, Nah!!! It won’t happen.
Recently, I came across with another EX through Facebook who is miles away in another country. He was my boyfriend when I was still very young. Let’s say it was puppy love. He was so intense during the time we were still an item and I was young and not serious about anything. I got scared. I felt that if I allow him to be more intense with me, we might have eloped and ran away. So 20 years or so has passed and we had the chance to talk again. It was really nice. reminiscing about the past, laughing together about the silly stuff we did. Escaping from home to be together, writing love letters, watching movies. Maybe we both felt a tiny spark, we saw a tiny light when we recently spoke, I don’t know. I have been separated for almost 8 years now and so is he. We have not thought about getting back together but we both admitted it was fun and refreshing to be talking again and sharing stories about our life and kids. I’ve never wanted to be married again nor have kids. I am happy as it is. But if someone special comes and be part of my life, who will make me laugh, share my dreams and hopes for my kids. Someone special who will be with me watching the sunset when my hair is gray and my skin is wrinkled. Why not? It may be someone new, someone I have never met, someone young, someone old or even an EX…. An ex who once became a part of my life, who made me laugh, cried with me, listened to me and made sacrifices. No one can tell.
For now, it is unclear. Who knows what the future holds for both of us. They say love is lovelier the second time around but I was never a believer of this. Let’s see what happens. Let’s see how we fare the second time around.