my FIRST LOVE!!!

Have you ever fallen in love so deeply and passionately? Well, I did! Yeah, the moment I learned Home Economics at school I knew I was madly in love with COOKING!!!!!

This is an actual picture of my Pancit Canton and Carbonara
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It was not a boy that I first fell in love with but with Cooking. Well, at first I had a fling with Baking. I first tried my hand in Baking Cakes and Cookies. I was so hooked with my Mother’s oven at the age of 12. Whatever I learn from school I would try it at home. From Chiffon cake, Chocolate cake, Banana Nut Cake, Banana Carrot cake, Crema de Fruta, Pineapple upside down cake, Butter Cookies, Oatmeal Cookies and so on. My official tasters was my brother and my Dad. So hooked that my Dad would buy me ingredients on a weekly basis. I would spend so much time during weekends at my Mom’s kitchen. Mom saw the potential that she was planning to open up a small bakery for me. But as I’ve said, it was just a fling. I then moved on to the real deal. Cooking delectable dishes. My Dad was a natural cook. He is Chinese, so most of the dishes that he has passed on to me was Asian cuisine. I loved it! He taught me well and he passed down all the dishes he knew to me. Dad taught me Chinese Adobo which has a darker and richer sauce. My first lessons in the kitchen started with my nanny Edith. she was really a good cook that I couldn’t forget her Chicken Adobo (chicken with lots of garlic, pepper, soy sauce, laurel leaf, vinegar, sugar, salt and pepper). Her rice cakes and cassava cake. Edith taught me the basics of cooking. I am thankful for her.

Mom said I have a talent for copying the same exact dish even without a book or list of ingredients just by tasting it, I would know. Which was true. I love to experiment with flavors. I watch cooking shows to give me ideas on better mixing of spices and herbs. But all in all, my recipes are basically unique. It’s simply a trademark I have earned through the years of cooking for friends and family.

My Lumpia Shanghai, Tacos, Fried Chicken and Pasta
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Cooking for me is one of my greatest passions in life. Apart from Hosting events and Blogging. Cooking gives me the rush I need whenever I am feeling all the pains and problems of life. For me, it is not true that you must not cook whenever you feel pain or troubled because it would show on the taste and presentation of your food. For me, whenever I cook, I give my best. My very best. I think of the people who will partake of the dish. I want them to feel special, loved and satisfied. When I am in the kitchen, I feel like an artist. Creating art and flavor. I don’t feel tired even if I was cooking for 400 to 500 people, which I did when I tried the catering business. It was financially fulfilling and at the same time I was able to execute my passion.

Grilled Pork, Macaroni Salad, Nachos and Bicol Express
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I wish I could put up a restaurant business someday. I want to be able to showcase my creativity and talent. I have received numerous comments about my dishes. For me it is personal. I take it seriously whenever I cook it has to be perfection or at least put a smile on the face of my crowd. My greatest fan was my Dad. Whenever I learn something new or would want to try out a new recipe he would officially be the judge. He was my critic but it was all praises from him. Not because he was my dad but because he knew I got it from him. Dad knew I put my heart and soul in every dish I make. The enthusiasm of holding a Wok, slicing vegetables, sauteing garlic and onions. The adrenalin rush of meeting a delivery deadline. I would feel so tired but there’s no stopping. The kitchen is my kingdom. I am the queen there. It is so overwhelming most especially if the dish I am preparing is the most awaited meal by my family.

Cooking is such a pleasure for me. It releases my stress, allows me to forget my problems and sometimes it helps to score with men. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I get Wows! from the men I date whenever they find out I am a good cook. It helps though because they know that you know your way around the kitchen. they won’t get hungry or rely on Delivery take out services. I haven’t really cooked for my new partner yet. I am thrilled to be cooking for him for the first time when he arrives from Sweden this May. Well, I am confident that he would love my cooking and my dishes. Ha Ha Ha!

Chicken Curry, Pork Stew, Fried Chicken and Lumpiang Hubad
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My first true love is Cooking! I got hurt from all the frying, I cried from slicing onions, made me happy whenever I get good reviews. Satisfied me whenever I earn money from my catering jobs. At the end of the day, I am a fulfilled cook. I want to learn more, get as much experience as I can and hone my cooking skills further. Ah, The joys of Cooking. I will never get bored of this.

A Mother’s heart never heals when a child dies…

It was exactly seven years ago, a normal day at the hospital. I just finished feeding Luke through the tube on his nose. My 5 month old baby with a rare genetic disorder called Methylmalonic Acidemia.
We both dozed off while I was caressing his tiny little head. I was dreaming we were home. The nanny woke me up and said Luke may have stopped breathing. I looked and I thought it was just another seizure attack. The nurses were called as well as the doctors. They said my little boy stopped breathing. They revived Luke, deep down inside I hoped that it was just one of his usual attacks. After 2 months in the hospital I was getting used to the fact that he will have these seizure attacks after the diagnosis.

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Methylmalonic acidemia is a disorder, passed down through families, in which the body cannot break down certain proteins and fats. The result is a build up of a substance called methylmalonic acid in the blood. The disease is usually diagnosed in the first year of life. It is an autosomal recessive disorder, which means the defective gene must be passed onto the child from both parents. The disease can cause seizures and stroke. Babies may appear normal at birth, but develop symptoms once they start eating more protein, which can cause the condition to get worse.

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I was in denial. After the death of my third child Andre who died of the same disease I was very hopeful that my youngest will survive this. The clock was ticking, and the ICU nurses were called to our room. It was a code Blue for the hospital. The metabolic doctor arrived and helped with reviving of my son. I was calling random people on my mobile phone, asking for prayers and support. My heart was pounding and I was in tears. I hoped and prayed. Please God, not again. Forty five minutes and they stopped. Our doctor looked at me and said “Maybe Luke is tired already, maybe he wants to rest.” She ordered the tubes to be removed from Luke and he carried him and gave him to me. She asked me, “You want to hold your baby? Luke is still your baby.” I took his lifeless body away from the doctor and started crying. I couldn’t remember that I was hugging him so close to my chest that maybe I was about to crush him with my pain and agony. I can’t explain the pain of losing another child. My then husband tried to take him away from me because I was now crying profusely. When Luke was laid on top of the bed. I cleaned his fragile body, put powder on his body and face, changed his clothes even his diaper. Place a blanket on his body while the tears ran down my face. I looked at his angelic face and I knew he was peaceful. After his long battle, rest came to him and somehow there was a tinge of peace inside my heart. I just couldn’t believe it that I lost another beloved child.

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But still, I keep questioning myself and God, Why???? Why take my baby away from me? Could I have done more to make him well? What did I do wrong to deserve this? The pain was unbearable especially that it was the second time that I lost a child from the same genetic disorder. My marriage was falling apart then and my children were the source of strength and joy but with the passing of my youngest son I was lost. I was hurt and I was broken. I did not know what to do nor feel. I was becoming numb because of the pain. I find comfort in memories of days I spent with Luke. Days that I saw a smile on his face. Days that we had in the park, Days we spent at home listening to music. Those days I will forever cherish in my heart. I kept their things in a box. Clothes I do not wish to give nor share with others. For me their stuff was sacred. Some people said I have not moved on nor healed. I can say, YES! I have moved on. Life goes on even without the special people around you. But the heart of a Mother never heals when a dear child dies. It will forever be broken. I have learned to deal with the pain through the years. I talked about them as much as I can. I still shed tears whenever I have my quiet moments alone. The pain never goes away, it’s just there. It never passes. You just learn to cope day by day. Many worried for me because they say it’s just too much to bear to have lost 2 children. I have a strong personality and I still have 3 living children that need me most especially with the difficult situation of my marriage breaking down. I knew I needed to be strong for them too. My children Andre and Luke would not want me to be unhappy with their passing. I am very sure that they wanted me to move on and be happy. I am fine now but I must admit that there are days that I just want to break down and die. But I just can’t give up just like that. I know they wouldn’t want their mother to quit easily. Life is precious. There are people who needs me, a mission I still need to fulfill.

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Everything happens for a reason. And I have leaned to be a better person and be the best mom to my children. Lessons I have learned which I want to share with others. A story of courage, love, hope and faith.

Today, I remember my beloved Luke or Porkee as we fondly call him. I remember his very short life that brought so much love and happiness. I know that where he is right now is a much better place with no more pain, hunger, fear, sickness and hate. He was given to me to be a part of my life and my heart. For me to become whole.

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I love you Luke! you will never be forgotten and you will forever be loved. Rest my sweet angel.

What Motivates Me….

A lot has been said about what motivates a person. Each of us has his/her own motivation in life. Mine is as clear as daylight. What motivates me is my CHILDREN…. always and forever!

For some, Money is a motivator. Family, God, Fame, Promotion, Love, Excellence and so on are big motivators in life. But do we really seek our inner thoughts and inner being? What really motivates us? What drives us to reach something? Why do we need to motivate ourselves?

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Recently, due to the sudden turn of events, It made me think more seriously and deeply. I had to re motivate myself, made a list and asked myself what I should do to inspire the inner me to move forward and reach my goals in life. The first question that popped in my mind is What do I really need to achieve? Followed by, Why do I want to achieve it? How will I achieve it? I want to do good first and foremost with my work and career. In the next seven months, I aim to give an extraordinary performance. How will I achieve this? I have always known myself by working quietly and with no distractions around. I want to focus mainly on my tasks and getting a very positive result. I said to myself the other day that I will never engage in things that will hinder me from doing my best. Meaning, I will avoid people, things and situations that will cause me to lose focus. I have to keep my eye on the Gold. I am doing this not just for myself but for the people I owe so much. I am tired of fighting and saying my piece. I just want to keep quiet, and keep my act together.

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So What do I want to achieve after seven months? Simple, I want to get what I deserve. Eight years of hard work, loyalty and patience is tough. Why do I want to achieve it? I have worked so hard to come this far and it’s fair that I get it. How? By working very hard in the next seven months or so….

I will stay focus, show a different side of me. People may wonder what’s this new side of me and some may get worried but I don’t care as long as I’m doing my job and I’m not doing anything wrong I will be perfectly fine.

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Motivation must come from within. People may influence motivation but I am lucky that I learned it from myself alone. Lessons learned the hard way, but I am glad it did not change the real person in me. I stand up for what I believed in and say the things I strongly disagree with. I know when it’s wrong and I know when it’s right. I am still the same person but with a very different attitude this time.

Nobody will help you, unless you help yourself. Trust only yourself and only yourself and Make things happen!

Sexy Time

It’s Valentine’s Day and maybe I was bitten by the love bug. (Just a little) Well, he is miles away from me but that wouldn’t keep me and Mr Boxer (his secret name) from keeping the flames burning. This is a lesson I have learned through the years of good and bad relationships. When we go into a relationship at the start we always put our best foot forward. We dress to impress, we say sweet nothings, we give grand gifts and we spend time with our partners like there’s no tomorrow but as years gone by we tend to fall in the simple routine of being in a relationship. We become so relax and complacent that things are smooth sailing. We tend to forget the special things we used to do for them Sometimes there is this thinking that we have been together for a long time, I married her/him so that’s it. It’s the grandest gesture. Then the problem arises. Or shall I say boredom strikes! Humans especially those in a relationship long for intimacy and passion. When we allow ourselves to fall into the routine, we tend to get bored, restless and dull. Sometimes our eyes wander. The longing for excitement, thrill and adventure takes over.

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How do we really keep the fire burning in our relationships. SIMPLE! by not being stagnant. Not allowing ourselves to fall in the routine of being so comfortable with how things are doing. We have to make it a habit to try something new. To explore different things together. It is not a hard thing to do if you really love the person and you want to make him/her feel very special. Sexy Time as some of my close friends would call it is a special time we share with our mates. It is not simply just SEX. It doesn’t happen in the bedroom all the time. It doesn’t require naked bodies or a hotel room. Sexy Time is a moment where you make your mate extra important and special. A simple sexy look, a bite in the lip, a soft caress, a kiss on the neck, running your fingers through his/ her hair. Candles all over the house with a bottle of red wine. A stimulating conversation. A view of the full moon while having an intimate dinner. A walk on the beach holding hands with a view of a gorgeous sunset. Everything else follows. Of course SEX is important. Who wouldn’t want to do it with the one you love? But we just need to spiced it up a little bit.

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There are so many ways to make your Sexy time even sexier. As I’ve said, your sexy time doesn’t necessarily involve a lot of SEX. Our Sexy Time may differ from one person to another but definitely our goal is to make it truly a memorable time and a night or day to remember.

When I say let’s make everyday Valentine’s Day. That really sounded so cliché. We don’t need Valentine’s to remind us that we have to show our love or to honor our loved ones. Yes, it’s a day where we celebrate LOVE but if you truly are in love with someone, We show our love, gratitude and appreciation for the one person that truly makes us happy and makes us want to live and dream and breathe every single day of our lives.

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Love is so amazing, It can change your life, it can make you cry but Love is just a wonderful feeling especially when shared with not only one person but with the rest of the world.

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Just spread LOVE everyday and life would be so much happier and light.

a Man and his bucket of lies…

I bet one way or another a woman is a victim of lying man out there. I for one was victimized by a vicious man who pretended to be separated from his wife and is always in dire need of money.

Well ladies, if you were once victimized by these suckers, WELCOME! WELCOME! I have never had the chance to write about him for several years now. It was indeed a very sensitive issue back then when I almost quit my job due to sheer embarrassment and self-pity.

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I met this man at the office where I am still working at present. He was not the good-looking man whom you would lay eyes every time he would pass by. I never knew he existed until a common friend introduced us. It was quite simple, he took my number from my friend started sending text messages. I was out of my marriage for about 2 or 3 years and at that time I was beginning to feel lonely and just wanted to be in a relationship. The funny thing was that everybody around us was telling me that his marriage was on the rocks and finally ended. I believed this sincerely but I knew deep inside me that something was off. Our relationship lasted almost a year. I would admit I loved him so much back then. But things started to get really weird when he started to borrow money from me. If you are in a relationship and you think that both of you are in love, you wouldn’t think bad about the person. So it was fine, I had a little extra so it did not bother me at first. Until it became worst, when at one point he would tell me that he was robbed. The robber got all of his salary, that he needs to pay the rent, that he needs to give money to his parents. etc…. At one point he asked me if we could get a loan and he would pay half of the amount. So I did apply for that loan but he never paid me. I applied for a mobile phone service wherein I could get 2 phones with 2 lines, he took the other phone but never really paid a single cent. This continued but I was becoming aware of his bad behavior. I knew this was not fair. And to think he was not even thinking that I have kids to support too. What really pissed me off was when I found out that he asked another woman from our office to go out with him. The good thing is that while I was a Senior in the company, most people have high respect towards me and told me about it. I confronted the girl and she told me that she felt he was trying to victimize her. His story was that he is waiting for a cousin to arrive because the cousin owes him a big amount of money. The girl and my ex had breakfast. When the girl went home she received a text message from the guy saying his cousin was robbed and all of his money was taken. Right there and then the girl knew that he was up to something. This made me realize that everything was all wrong.

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I was really becoming suspicious because during weekends, he would turn off his mobile phone so I can’t text or call him. I got the courage to open his locker and check his messages. Lo and behold when I saw his wife’s text messages. It wasn’t as if they were going through a rough patch. It was like they were like a normal loving couple.

To make this long story shorter, I told his wife. I wanted to come out clean. I wanted her to know what his philandering husband is doing. At first we were fine. The wife was really upset as she said it was the second time he did this to her. But as days gone by, the wife started singing a different tune. She was really upset with me and started to tell fabricated lies about me. This almost ruined my career. A male friend stood behind me and fought for me because they saw how broken, hurt and frustrated I was. This reached to a point wherein we had to settle this in the lower courts because it was really getting ugly and my family never knew about this whole mess. My kids were devastated and angry but God is really good and I have friends who backed me all the way. Friends who knew what really happened and friends who knew me inside and out. There were some who believed him that I was the desperate woman who wanted him so much. That I was out to destroy his marriage. It was once tagged as FATAL ATTRACTION. He never paid me back, he returned a different mobile phone. But I just closed my eyes and ears. I walked with my head held high. I knew and always believed in karma. Some people may think that I was the bitch in all of these. I was broke with a pile of debts because of him. But I knew back then the truth will come out someday. True to form it did.
He had another very similar case at the office. Another woman he victimized, made her fall in love, took money and embarrassed her in front of so many people. The girl approached me because one of our leaders told her of my story. She was very upset and I felt sorry for her because I felt I could have done something to prevent him from doing this again to other women. I know it was bad that it happened to another person but I felt vindicated to some people who once believed I was the bad guy.

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Years have passed and I saw him at a party. My male friend who was very protective of me told me that the guy was looking at me. My friend never left my side because he knew the guy might try something stupid. He did! When I was making my way to the bathroom and my male friend was at the bar, he said Hello!!! that I was a snob. He held my hand for a few seconds. I was stunned, petrified and angry that I want to slap him on the face!!! My girl friends realized this was happening pulled me away from him. I was still speechless and I was mortified. How could he just say hello and act as if nothing happened in the past that he almost destroyed me? Well, there are really people who can forget the wrongs they have done to people. Some of my female friends said that the wife may have known this strategy and may be using her husband to get money from other women. What a wicked and evil thing to do especially that they have children too. For me, this man has mastered the Art of Deceit. I am writing this because I want others to be aware that LOVE can be a disguise to DECEIT. Love is sometimes used by bad people to get what they want. And Love sometimes is used to hurt other innocent people like children and family members.

Some may ask me, Have you forgiven him? I can’t say YES, I can’t say NO. But he lost his job recently and I know God may have taught him a lesson or two and that God may just want me to forgive but not forget. Another lesson learned in Life and in Love.

Men and Spice

My brain was not functioning well for the past few weeks. I was engrossed with work and meeting my stats. I want to focus on my blog as my avid readers and followers are asking me what’s new on my blog. I was inspired to write this afternoon about Men in general. Spices and sparkle. I was chatting with an Ex bf slash childhood friend slash good friend. we were talking about his family life. He would often joke about us going out on a date or checking out other girls and I would tell him it’s not right. I told him you are very much married and a family man. That would simply be unfair to your wife and your kids, I said. I was really surprise with his answer when he said, She is my wife, she is the mother of my children. that won’t ever change. Then why ask for a date with me or with another girl? He simply replied maybe I miss the excitement. The thrill. Aaaahhhh!!! I said. You miss the spice of being in an intimate relationship. The goose bumps, the stomach twisting moments, the crazy I’m in love feeling. The fireworks. The electricity. But whatever happened to the love between spouses? The cuddling, the just you and me alone time. What really happens after the wedding, the honeymoon stage, the pregnancy, the childbirth?

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Most people would say everything stops after the children are born. Couples get preoccupied in taking care of the children. Busy schedules, school meetings, business meetings and so on. We miss the fact that we have our partners to think about. I was once married. And I must say that there was a point in my marriage when all we thought about was the kids, our finances and our jobs. We missed the fact that first and foremost we were a married couple that we were suppose to take care of each other. That we have to make each other feel special. Don’t let the romance leave the relationship or the marriage.

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For most women it is easy to sacrifice everything for the sake of a happy and complete family. But for most men, not all! There is always an urge to seek and find thrill and adventure. Men look at us women differently when we give birth. It’s like we lost the glamour, the sparkle. I would admit I embraced motherhood when I had children. I forgot to love myself, to look good and feel good about myself. I focus more on being the best mother in the world. It’s a good thing I realized my shortcomings early and changed not for my husband but for ME…. Just for me, for my self-worth. It was too late though for my marriage. I couldn’t save it. But I’m ok, I’m in love once agin and I hope I won’t make the same mistake again.

So what’s with men and spice??? Men would always look for something new and exciting. Something new to their taste and preference. the important thing with us women is that we have to do our best to keep the fire burning. Bring lots of spice in the marriage and relationship. Be a little more adventurous, try something different. Something kinky. Red lingerie, hand cuffs, whipped cream, candles, a pole, role playing, whatever it takes to make it really special and enticing. Men are visual in general. When they like what they see and they want it bad and they try to get it. It stimulates their brain and senses and most especially their ****.

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So why not add a little spice, it won’t hurt.
What’s a little spice in our relationship, when it could keep your man hooked.

….battered women

People may start wondering why I am blogging about this very sensitive issue, Is she a battered woman? In some ways, YES! Emotionally battered if I may say. But my topic for today’s blog is more on violence against women which is becoming very rampant nowadays. I am deeply saddened and full of rage every time I hear stories about women being abused. There are so many different ways a woman is being abused. Physical abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse and so on.

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I am sitting here on my laptop thinking of the lady friends I know who suffered so much in the hands of ruthless, mean and no good for nothing men in their lives. One of my best friends endured the physical, verbal and emotional torment in the hands of her then boyfriend and now ex husband. I vividly remember the time when she would report for work with dark bruises on her arms and body. She would confide in me how she was punched, pushed and slapped on the face. I could not believe nor comprehend the experience my friend endured. I could not do anything, I was just there angry, sad and devastated. All I could is listen, comfort her, support her, give her words of wisdom and understanding. My other friend who has a live in partner that has a drug addiction problem who physically and sexually abuses her. At one point when she just gave birth to their second child, the crazy partner opened the gas tank and attempted to open his lighter. While holding onto her month old baby, fighting her partner, and trying to get the lighter from him. Just imagine if she wasn’t able to stop him. The whole house could have exploded and they all died with their baby. Sometimes she would be tied to the bed whenever they have sex. Sick guy! Another friend who is also close to my heart, refuses to leave her dear husband for his unending womanizing ways. Emotionally, my friend is battered. You can see in her eyes the sadness, the hurt and the frustration every time her husband fools around with other women. It affects her work and her overall personality

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Battered Women, who experience domestic violence suffers emotional abuse. The effects are not physical alone. It puts a mark on the inner being of a woman. My observation on my friends is that they share the same thinking. He will change, he was just angry, I love him, I want to save the marriage, I don’t want my kids to grow up without a father, I want my family to be intact. I have heard these lines too many times every time I try to talk to them and tell them to just leave or report it to the authorities. They will just cry and take it all in. So what now? These women will do anything, accept anything, for the sake of a complete family. They will suffer the bruises, the harsh words, the kicks, punches and embarrassment.
Battered women becomes numb to the things they endure day in and day out. It’s like they get used to it that they allow this type of abuse to go on and on. In the long run a battered woman suffers low self-esteem, post traumatic stress, anxiety, depression, fear and they have a hard time trusting men again once they become separated from their abusive partners.

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I have been abused emotionally. I took it all in for about four years and I just felt I owe it to myself to let him go while I still have respect for myself and my self-esteem is hanging by a thread. But never will I allow a man to hurt me physically. Not a chance. not even a push. Nobody is allowed to hurt or maligned anyone. It’s our body and we have to protect it from anyone who will attempt to hurt us may it be physical or emotional. I once said to my mother if a man tries to hurt me or succeeded to punch me I will fight back like there is no tomorrow. I will never ever allow myself to be a battered woman. I love myself too much and I want my children to respect me and look up to me. I want my children to grow up strong, and not living a life in fear.

Men who hurt women physically are total cowards. This is so true! I know this for a fact. They can only hurt women but they are so afraid whenever they are confronted by authorities or family members. These are men who doesn’t have balls, who can only hurt women and not their own kind. Total idiots. They think it’s so macho to womanize. Well, it’s not! It’s stupid to flirt around and sleep around most especially if you have a beautiful, successful wife waiting for you at home. Why marry a woman and get stuck with her for the rest of your life, when all you want to do is put your freaking D*** inside every woman you meet??? A man thinks he is tough whenever he could punch a woman on the face. Why not try someone your own size and gender? Or better try entering UFC or the WWE? Then you can beat up all the men you want.

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Women should never allow this to happen to them whatever the circumstances they are in. NEVER!!!! In the first instance this happens, I tell you LEAVE, FLEE! If you are not doing anything wrong then you must not suffer. We were not born to suffer at the hands of an abusive partner. Love yourself more, there are people who loves you and cares for you so much. Think about your children, your parents, your siblings. A man is just a man. If he is abusive then he doesn’t deserve YOU at all. There are far better things in life that you can have that you can enjoy. There are people who appreciates your talents, your skills and you’re being you.

Life should be enjoyed! There may be problems along the way. Trials come and go but to be miserable because you allow a man to hurt you over and over is just a plain No, NO. Free yourself from the stress, the sadness and the violence in your life. You can breathe easier and live a life without fear and danger. Life is already complicated don’t complicate it more.

I LOVE YOU BUT I LOVE MYSELF MORE!!!!! right???